


Envy

by tonkssweeney



Series: The Seven Deadly Sins Anthology [2]
Category: Hanson (Band)
Genre: Drug Use, F/M, Incest, Jealousy, M/M, Making Out, Pining, Prayer, Seven Deadly Sins, Sibling Incest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-02
Updated: 2019-06-02
Packaged: 2020-04-06 09:01:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19059451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tonkssweeney/pseuds/tonkssweeney
Summary: Zac's envy over Taylor's multiple suitors results in him turning to prayer.





	Envy

**2002**

_Envy: An insatiable desire that is often a resentful longing for the traits or possessions of someone else._

The year of 2002 brought two unwanted complications into Zac's life. Just when he thought he was making progress towards coming to terms with his inappropriate feelings surrounding his brother Taylor, his resolve was challenged. The first obstacle was an unkempt and only mildly talented singer named Alex Greenwald.

Zac wanted to like Alex, he really did. His band was cool to hang out with on tour and they made music that was fun to dance around to. Alex and Zac could have been good friends in another life, and perhaps they almost were for a fleeting moment in time, but all that changed when he walked in on Alex giving Taylor a blowjob in a gas station bathroom in a small town somewhere outside of Cleveland.

Up until that point, Zac didn't even know that Taylor liked men. He felt a little stupid for never recognizing the blatant signs in Taylor's behavior that eluded to his bisexuality. He was always a little handsy with other men, more so than he was with women. In fact, Zac realized he'd never seen Taylor actually pursue a woman, and thinking back he was sure he'd seen him pursue at least a couple of different men. If Zac wasn't so incredibly jealous, he would have thought it was amusing how his brain specifically blocked out those memories in some sort of bizarre defense mechanism.

To make matters worse, Alex introduced Taylor to his drug of choice - cocaine. Taylor became the worst version of himself once Alex entered the picture, and over time Zac didn't recognize him any more. What happened to his smart, beautiful brother? The drugs consumed him in a way that changed the essence of who he was. He was no longer steadfast and strong, rather he was unreliable and weak. Zac wanted nothing more than for the old Taylor to return to him, but multiple attempts to persuade him out of spending time with Alex proved futile. Up until that point in his life, Zac didn't know it was possible to miss someone who was sitting right next to him, breathing the same air.

Then came Natalie Bryant.

Zac thought Natalie was the worst thing to ever happen to him personally. She wasn't like the other girls that hovered around Taylor. She wasn't one who would stick around for a few weeks, get what she wanted, and never come back. She was one of those clingers, the type of girl who hooks a guy with her innocence and then traps him like a bird in a cage. Or rather, a prison.

And the person that she had trapped was Taylor.

When Natalie moseyed into their lives, the change in Taylor was immediate. If Zac actually believed in love at first sight he would have assumed that's what happened when Taylor met Natalie. But the truth was that he didn't see what was so special about her to make Taylor fall head over heels. She was sweet to the point that it was flat out irritating, her southern drawl was so deliberate that it was almost put-on, and she was kind of cute, but basic. Nothing special, if you asked Zac. If Taylor could have any girl he wanted, why did it have to be this one?

Taylor's pathetic teenage love performance was on Zac's last nerve. Maybe in a different world where Zac wasn't acutely infatuated with his brother he would have liked Natalie. Maybe they could have even been friends who hung out at concerts or movie theaters. But Zac only saw her as a bug that needed to be squashed; she was an inconvenience that needed to be eliminated immediately. On nights when he couldn't fall asleep, Zac would try to think of ways to get Natalie out of the picture and out of their lives forever. But short of pushing her in front of a moving train, he couldn't come up with anything that was plausible and on the right side of moral. 

It became more difficult to hate Natalie when she announced that she was pregnant and that her and Taylor were getting married in the Summer. Zac almost felt bad for her - she was freshly eighteen, pregnant, and had no idea that her soon to be husband was supporting a pretty solid coke habit in addition to banging another dude on the side. Zac prided himself on his ability to feign excitement and happiness at the news, even though he wanted nothing more than for a black hole to open up in the middle of the room and suck him into it until he disappeared into nothingness. Being a ball of nothingness sounded much better than being an Uncle to Taylor's illegitimate child and a witness to the shit show that his life had become.

Alex and Natalie were two bothersome complications that seemed to yield no solutions, and Zac wasn't sure how much more of them he could take. He saw no way out of the torture he found himself in and it took all the energy he had left to not let his jealousy eat away at his insides. As he laid in bed knowing that it was unlikely sleep would find him, he felt a profound ache in the pit of his stomach. It felt as though envy was devouring whatever normal parts were left of him, and he felt like an alien in his own body.

Accompanying his extreme jealousy was anger and frustration. He was angry at Taylor for being so stupid, but even more angry at himself for letting his feelings for Taylor continue to fester over the years. If he had sought help when it all started, when the feelings began to dominate him, then maybe he'd be in a different place today. But now he was too far gone down the wrong path and he knew all the therapy in the world couldn't save him.

Suddenly, Zac heard a thunderous banging against his bedroom door, making his heart practically leap out of his chest. His door was unlocked as it usually was when he was home, so he wondered why the Hell someone was pounding on his door at one o'clock in the morning. Whoever it was better have a damn good excuse for rousing him just as he was about to fall asleep.

He pulled himself out of bed and groaned in frustration as he swung the door open. His mouth suddenly went dry when he saw Taylor standing there with mussed hair, a sweaty brow, and dilated eyes. It was the first time he'd come to him while he was in the middle of a high, and Zac was frozen stiff. Typically he caught him as he was coming down from it, or passed out on the sofa with drool spilling past his lips.

"Taylor..." Zac whispered, his lips curved into a frown. He could feel his heart shattering in his chest at the sight of what used to be his big brother. He didn't know who this person was. He wasn't his brother when he was high. 

"Baby brother!" Taylor shouted and reached for Zac, yanking him into an embrace that was tight enough to make him squirm uncomfortably.

"Jesus Tay, quiet down. It's one o'clock in the morning and people are trying to sleep around here." The last thing Zac needed was for everyone else in the family to find out about Taylor's nasty habit. It was a burden that he wanted to share with no one else. He grabbed Taylor by the hips and peeled their bodies apart.

"I'm not being loud," Taylor retorted. He pushed past Zac with force strong enough to make him wobble on his feet, and walked into his bedroom. Zac's bed creaked as Taylor fell backwards onto it, legs and arms sprawled out like a starfish. 

Zac shut the door quietly behind him and locked it just to be safe. He didn't want anyone walking in and seeing Taylor so unlike himself. It actually scared him to see his older brother strung out like this, and God forbid anyone else were to witness this.

"You should probably drink some water," he mumbled as he walked over to the mini fridge he kept next to his nightstand. He pulled out a bottle of water and tried to hand it to Taylor. "Drink this, and you'll feel better."

Taylor sat up and shook his head. "I'm good. I'm not thirsty. Why don't you drink it? It's your water. Since when did you get a mini fridge in here?" His words were gushing out of his mouth at a mile a minute. It was exhausting hearing him talk so fast, and it was hard to catch everything he was saying.

"For fucks sake Taylor, drink the water or you're not staying in here tonight!"

Zac twisted the cap off the water bottle and knelt on the bed next to Taylor. He brought the water bottle to his lips and when he fought against it, he gripped the back of his head with a strong hand and forced him to take a few sips. Having more muscles than the older man was paying off in that moment.

Taylor sputtered and a few drops of water dribbled down his chin. Zac put the water bottle down and exchanged it for a few tissues which he used to clean up the water from his chin and the beads of sweat on his forehead. When Zac withdrew, Taylor rubbed the back of his hand against his mouth, his eyes never leaving Zac's.

"I shouldn't have come here. I knew I should have stayed at Alex's. You don't get me, and he does." Despite the threat, Taylor made no effort to get out of the bed.

Zac's cheeks were burning. Rage was building up inside him and he could practically feel it bubbling inside his veins. Whether or not it was the cocaine talking, it didn't matter. How dare he say that to him? And why was Zac so damn jealous of Alex? Sharing a high with Taylor was not something to be jealous of.

Rage and envy, hand in hand, took over Zac, turning him into a monster - and before he could think to stop it, he smacked Taylor hard across the cheek.

A shocked cry left Taylor's mouth. "What the fuck, Zac?!" he demanded, pouting and holding his hand up to his red cheek.

"You're being an asshole. I'm sure it's the coke talking, but you are being an asshole and I don't deserve it. Alex is trash and he's not good for you. I'm good for you." He looked in Taylor's eyes and noticed the light was gone from them, replaced by dark, dilated pupils. It made his heart ache.

Taylor said nothing, but the effects of the stimulant was still affecting his limbs, making them shake uncontrollably. Zac sighed loudly and the guilt of smacking his brother was weighing heavily on his conscience even though it seemed to have worked.

"C'mon. Let's get you undressed and into bed," he suggested quietly. 

"Okay," Taylor nodded, Zac's hand print still sorely noticeable on his face.

They both undressed in complete silence till they were in their boxers and Zac ushered Taylor under the covers. "Try to get some sleep." He rolled onto his stomach and turned his head away from Taylor, unable to look at him any longer, but feeling some comfort in knowing that Taylor would be staying with him tonight.

An hour later, Zac awoke when he felt something soft running down the length of his spine. He turned his head and looked at Taylor, who was unsurprisingly wide awake and running his fingers down Zac's back. It was still pitch black outside, the only light in the room coming from a crack in Zac's curtains.

"What are you doing?" he whispered, stuck in between sleepiness and something a little more intense than that.

"You have an amazing body, you know. You should show it off more," Taylor said assuredly. The decibel of his voice had returned to normal but his pupils gave away the secret that he was still high. He ran his fingers over Zac's bicep and gently nudged him onto his side so that he could trace his collarbone and sternum.

Zac didn't know what Taylor's endgame was but he was enjoying this too much to care. The reasons behind his actions didn't matter. 

The bulge in Zac's boxers was painfully evident and when Taylor ran his fingers over the waistband of his boxers he was sure he noticed it too. Taylor closed the distance between them, pressing his lips against Zac's with enough force to draw a whimper from his lips. He tasted bitter, presumably from chasing his cocaine with a beer, but Zac didn't mind. His lips felt soft and pillowy and better than Zac had ever remembered. It was nice, and despite the circumstances that brought Taylor to his room, Zac felt a moment of pure happiness.

They laid there kissing indolently, their hands exploring each other's bodies. It was soft and gentle and full of something that Zac would have described as tenderness. When he felt Taylor's hands and lips come to a slow but sudden stop, he opened his eyes to see that he had drifted asleep.

He'd lost him.

In what was his typical nightly routine, Zac rolled onto his back to stare at the ceiling and he let his mind return to it's normal self-loathing thoughts. Taylor wouldn't remember this in the morning. It didn't mean anything to him. His mind was clouded by drugs.

Zac could feel tears well behind his eyes but he held them back as best as he could. He'd done this to himself. He knew better than to let Taylor kiss him and touch him when he was high. There was no way it would ever mean to him what it meant to Zac. The ring finger on Taylor's hand left no doubt that he loved someone else, and not him. He belonged to someone else.

Two tears fell from each eye as he shut them tight. There was only one thing he could think of to try to heal. One thing he had yet to try, but he was desperate now.

_Dear God, please help me. Help me get over my feelings for my brother and the envy I feel towards his new family. I want to be happy again. I need him to be happy again._


End file.
